I Really Didn't Fall of the Face of the Earth

Hi Everyone,


This is a very emotional post for me, so please bear with me as I ramble on! I think God is telling me if I write what I am feeling it will help me heal and cope.


After my last post, I once again became every ill and couldn't move (only a week and a half after being home). This time when we called the Neurosurgeon his nurse said that he was on call at Baptist East and I needed to get their immediately! Unfortunately, Russell could not even get me in the van, so it required an ambulance ride (at the tune of $887) at 45 mph as for once this past winter we were getting a pretty heavy snowfall and the roads were very slick so a 45 minute ride turned into almost 2 hours. Getting admitted took forever, I'm glad I wasn't dying (so I thought).


I once again had developed a staph infection and this time is was more serious than the last. There were no warning signs or anything. So they scheduled another MRI to figure out how bad and by now the pain was uncontrollable. I was scheduled for surgery the next day and ended up with drain tubes and was considered "contagious" so I was placed in a private room. While they were dealing with the staph infection I decided to start spiking temperatures of over 103 degrees, which resulted in having a cooling blanket put on my bed and being diagnosed with a "blood infection". Later to be told by the Infectious Disease doctor that it was e-coli....how in the world I got that I don't know. I was in the hospital for a pretty long time and on major pain medication and wasn't a very pleasant person. I came home with a pic-line and IV antibiotics and had home health physical therapy, occupational therapy and a nurse that came every Monday to change the pic-line dressing and draw blood to make sure that the infection was going away. I have now been pic-line free for 4 weeks!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!


During my last stay, I received word that my daddy's cardiologist had suggested that they put in a pacemaker/defibrillator. Daddy called to see what I thought and while I wasn't sure, he was excited and thought this would give him a better shot at a longer life (as they had figured out his heart would beat at 180, go to 70, then go to 30, then stop, and start the cycle all over again). Unfortunately, God decided that it was time for Daddy to come before the surgery could even be performed. We discussed his having the surgery at the beginning of the week and by that Thursday I received a call from the hospital telling me they didn't think that he would make it through the night! I felt horribly guilty that I who having my own crisis couldn't be there with him.....he was not only my Daddy, but my best friend!!!! I was able to talk with him, however he could not even respond to me at this point. I feel very guilty because I asked him to hang in there until I could be with him, unfortunately (or fortunately) God decided that the 23rd of February was his day to be reunited with my Mom whom he had missed for the last 9 years and his father whom he lost 41 years ago. I attempted to plan his funeral while being in a "drugged" state and was unable to attend. I just have to have faith that God knew what he was doing and there was a reason that I was not meant to be there with him or attend the funeral. The grieving processes is so different for me this time, and much harder than when I lost my Mom. On several occasions I have picked up the phone to call, dialed the number only to realize that he is not there. We are going to go back to Iowa over Memorial weekend to go through things and get as much ready for the auction as we can.


I am continuing to get better, but have a long road ahead as the hip and leg pain make sitting for more than 5-10 minutes almost unbearable (thank goodness I have such a wonderful husband who bought us a laptop so I could try and stay in touch with the outside world). I have been able to finally return to church which has helped my disposition very much plus a 72 pound weight loss - not a diet I would recommend, but it has given me the motivation to keep going, I have another 25-30 to take off.


Monday we go see the Neurosurgeon and hopefully get one final MRI and a clean bill of health and something to help with the leg/hip pain so that I can return to work....please pray that all goes well.


Now on to the kids......they are so wonderful. They were all very effected by my being taken in an ambulance the last time. Darryl has been wonderful and been so very helpful when I wasn't able to be there for them. He turned 15 in April and we had a great family party at my Sister-in-law's house with most of his Aunts, Uncles and Cousins there. Darryl made it to state solo/ensemble with his Oboe Solo and performs that next Saturday while Rachel and I (not much working for me) work the major fundraiser for the Band Boosters. Darryl had his best report card since I have been a part of his life....I was so proud of him, he still has a little room for improvement, but he really worked hard and it showed. Rachel's grades continue to be exceptional, she is so driven for almost being 13! She is going to be performing a voice solo during the end of year concert and not only playing 1st chair flute, but has been asked to play with the 7th grade also. She also found out that she is going to be able to be in the color guard for the marching band, so now we not only have one at the tune of $250, but 2, which equals $500, but Russell and I are committed to making sure that they can participate because it is something that is important to both of them, plus Mom is the Treasurer for the Booster Organization. Isaac, well he is still lovable Isaac. Being 7 with a 15 yr. old and almost 13th yr. old isn't easy. In fact this week we finally figured it out that Isaac will still be in grade school when Darryl graduates from high school. He loves to be outside and could really care less about school. He is so much like his Iowa Papa. In fact, I have some pictures of my Daddy as a little boy and with the exception of the clothes he is almost a spitting image of him. Only if we could afford a real John Deere tractor he would be the happiest boy on earth!


I cannot begin to express how much of a wonderful husband I have.....I thank God everyday for leading us together. Without him every that we have been through as a family these past few months would have been impossible. He is the love of my life and even though tomorrow is Mother's Day, for a long time he played both roles and took a college class! He did a fabulous job and feel like tomorrow is just as much about him as it is me, since I wasn't much of a mom for a few months.


Russell, in case you read this I want you to know that I love you with every ounce of my being and feel very lucky that you are my husband and mate for life. Without you I am nothing, plus you have given me a large family that I adore and love with all my heart, and who have accepted me and treat me so well. Your family is very special to me. Plus, you came with a wonderful son whom I just adore and love like he is my very own! I LOVE YOU RUSSELL - Happy Mother's Day, because were both Mom and Dad when I couldn't be.


Sorry this post is so long and seemed to ramble, but it seemed as if the Lord was urging me to put my feelings into words to help me and make me a better Mom and Wife! Also, a huge thank you to all of those who prayed for me and my family.


To all my fellow family, friends and bloggers who read this HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!


Love,
Tina